Porn for Women

Have you ever watched 'HGTV' on cable? Or any (and I mean ANY) home-remodeling show? If not, here's everything you need to know about these very popular tv programs: they're porn for women.

Seriously, have you ever seen a woman watching these shows? The women on-screen get to choose colors, talk about fabrics, and go on and on about furniture placement. The havey-lifting is done by a really 'cute' guy who always listens and never talks back.

Porn for women. That is all.

A Damn good speech

Japan's Prime Minister gave a speech - in English - to the UN General Assembly. Not only was the speech well delivered, the content was spot on: allow Japan to join the UN Security Council. It's a great idea which would improve the world.

But the despots who run the UN won't allow it to happen. In 3 years, Japan will still be a normal UN attendee.

Here's what I think of Dan Rather...

A CBS Producer says that he was tricked:
"if we were tricked, it would have had to have been a very elaborate hoax."

Conrad summed it up quite well:
"The memos were typed on a PC, copied at Kinkos and faxed to the network by a known kook. How diabolically complex."

Back to you in the studio...

"Grill Power!"

Are you impressed when women achieve a milestone in some professional (office) field? You know, become CEO or something. Me, neither.

I mean, if the milestone itself is newsworthy, kudos for that. But getting cheers because it's a female doing it....that's wrong. It's the same as saying, "Not bad....for a girl." The is that assumption that a woman can't do it in the first place. So the whole thing is a bit insulting to women (albeit with a nice face).

The post title is from 'The Simpsons'. Have you ever seen a t-shirt which read "Grrrlll Power!" (read: 'Girl Power')? Homer picked up a BBQ apron which read the same, and he pronounced it, "Grill Power!" That sums up my feelings perfectly.

"What did you learn?", Part 1

I've got a lady friend in my hometown. [Yes, yes, it's a violation of the Tom Leykis Rules...I'm a slow learner] This lady friend has the suckiest cell phone I've experienced. The quality of her reception (and sending) goes in and out at random - but frequent - stretches of time. Everyone has told her that this is the worst phone she's ever had.

Her response? "I know it's a bad phone, but this one was free."

I then ask her, "And what did you learn?"

Answer: Nothing. Sigh.

Me for President

I'm too young to be elected President in 2004. I therefore announce my candidacy for the 2008 Presidential Election. Seriously.

I'm running for one of the serious reasons Al Sharpton ran. He helped make it serious - and I mean that. Without Al, the show would have been another fawning media-kissing-candidate show. But the primary process had a wild card.

Al wasn't nominated by any party and he did shake things up a great deal. Think about it - would the debates have received as much time on the evening news if Al wasn't there? When the debates were getting boring I'd tune in just to see if he would say what the press didn't have the balls to say. And Al did get in a couple of good shots towards the end of his run.

That's a good enough reason to run right there - for someone to get the candidates to answer a real question. How much would you pay for that?

But what is amazing me is how long he stayed in the race, and GOT PAID BY THE GOV'T to do it. Seriously. He got Federal campaign dough to do it. Which is the non-political reason I'm doing it.

Vote for me in 2008.

'South Park' saved Cable TV

I submit that the success of 'South Park' helped turn cable television from a boring wasteland, into the broadcast tv destroying monster it is today.
[ Warning: the link contains a quote from a 'Mr. Beavis'. Seriously, it's his real name ]

Do you remember Comedy Central before 'South Park' appeared? It was boring. Re-runs of stand-up comics (originally done for HBO), and the millionth showing of a Richard Pryor and/or Gene Wilder movie. Richard and Gene are great, don't mistake that - but a comedy channel needs more than that to be interesting.

After the success of 'South Park' the world now has cable channels producing their own high-production value (read: expensive) series. And they're good...really good. Have you seen 'Farscape' on the Sci-Fi channel? Even folks who don't like the show readily admit the production value on the show was through the roof.

Have you seen 'Monk'? A successful show that (for once) doesn't rely on nudity, violence, or even swearing. HBO should take notes. So should broadcast tv.

Now things are coming full circle and the now-successful cable channels are suffering from the blunders of broadcast tv. 'Farscape' was cancelled at the height of it's popularity. It's making a brief comeback in some sort of mini-series/movie/thing (I'm not sure what it is). But the show was cancelled despite being hugely popular.

Back to the good old days.

Boner-iffic

Living in Japan, I missed out on a lot of the tv commercials for penis pills. The ones that help with erections, not the kind that give you another 6 inches.

Now that I'm in the USA for vacation, I get to see some misleading commercials for products like 'Enzyte' and 'Cialis'. And I'm tired of the deception. I don't mind folks selling penis pills, but c'mon - give them a name that means something. 'Enzyte', nice try retards, but that name sounds like something for a clogged drain.

If I was president, I would issue an Executive Order requiring all penis pills (such as 'Viagra') to use the word 'Boner' in their name.

NetChix

I'm starting a mail-order business. Not for brides but for girlfriends. That's right - you, too, can soon obtain a mail-order girlfriend. In honor of the DVD-rental company 'NetFlix', I am naming my company 'NetChix'.

The best part about 'NetChix' is the return policy. Once your girl causes problems in your relationship, you simply return her in the postage-paid package. When we have received this first girlfriend, the next girlfriend on your list will be sent out to you.

Email me with investment offers!
american_in_japan@hotmail.com